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Stuff Riders Say to Non-Riders

Ever been to the barn with a non-rider? Ever tried to have a conversation about your horse with someone who’s never been around horses before? Yeah? We have, too. And it never seems to go well. So we decided to compile everything we say to non-riders in one hilarious video.

What do you think? Did we miss any? Leave us a comment and let us know what we missed, and be sure to SUBSCRIBE to be alerted when the next Stuff Riders Say video gets posted!

At SmartPak, we have a saying — “we get you because we are you.” We’ve got riders of every age, from every discipline, from all across the country who’ve come together with one goal — supporting healthy horses and happy riders. So when it comes to life in the barn, we know a thing or two. We hope you enjoy this silly little montage, celebrating the things we hear (and sometimes say) in the barn.

Posted in Favorites, Funny, Videos

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118 comments on “Stuff Riders Say to Non-Riders
  1. Barbara McAvoy says:

    I had the pleasure of owning a wonderful miniature horse who was trained to drive. However, before I could say anything, how many times do you think I got the question, “what do you do with it?”

  2. Eve T says:

    “No, he doesn’t weigh two tons. He doesn’t even weigh one ton, actually.”
    “Dressage is like horse ballet only without the tutu’s.”

  3. Mel's says:

    When someone says they want to drive a horse rather then “ride”. That one is the hardest for me.

  4. Helen says:

    I worked at a guest ranch for 3 summers…a gold mine for stupid non-horse people quotes.
    To standing wraps: “Is her leg broken?”
    To polo wraps: “Are those bandages?”
    “I’m a really good rider. I want a better horse.”(having just ridden one of the best horses on the ranch.)
    “Do you guys bull ride?”
    “I want to ride that one, it’s pretty.” me: Umm that one will kill you
    “He wouldn’t stop eating, he must have been really hungry. Do y’all feed them enough?”
    In my head, “all you’re feeding him is a possibility of colic and perpetuation of his bad habits.”

    • Joann Melton says:

      “I want to ride the short one – the other one (18 y.o) might run away with me.” 2) Oh yes, I’m an excellent rider – my parents put me on tame horses that only walked in circles, tied to chains . . . 3) Yes I know how to get horses to go away from the barn 4) What time do you usually ride during the day?? 5) Will they bring their own saddles to the back door?

  5. Jacqui Tarpley says:

    Is that their food? Horse on a stall with shavings.

  6. mike briley says:

    them: why do you spend so much time with your horse.

    me: because its what i do, and just smile.

  7. stevenz says:

    I would tell someone I played polo and they would invariably say “you mean, like, on a horse?!”

  8. Lynneg says:

    Does he know who you are? (um, yeah)
    Does he eat other things besides carrots? (yeah)
    Is he blind? (no, that’s a fly mask)

  9. Rachel says:

    When my horse was unloaded at a rest stop a young girl runs up to me and says exuberantly “Is that a RACE horse?” My horse is a 3/4 Fjord!!! LOL

  10. Jill says:

    “So, do you wear a$$-less chaps?” *sniggers*

    “Um, all chaps are a$$-less”

    • Amber says:

      If they aren’t assless I believe they would just be leather pants?!?!? I hate it when people ask or say assless!! Just like ” I wormed my horse” What?!?! I really deworm my horses but you do you!!!

    • Czarina says:

      UGH! The sexualization of all things equestrian absolutely makes my skin crawl.
      Actually, the sexualization of ANYTHING does…
      So I’m a prude. I’m just sick to death of double entendres and Beavis and Butthead humor.

  11. JumppitQ says:

    When he’s sedated for his teeth float, I can stick my arm up to my elbow in his mouth and feel his last teeth. No, they don’t actually float, no he can’t bite me, he has a medieval device in his mouth. No it’s not gross, it’s pretty cool.

  12. JumppitQ says:

    My horse has no patience for someone who doesn’t know what they are doing… No, trail riding on vacation does not mean you know what you are doing.

  13. JumppitQ says:

    Me:Darn, it will be cold this weekend, I should wash his sheets.

    Non horsie person: I have a clean sheet you could borrow.

    Me: It’s not a bed sheet.
    (Actual conversation)

  14. Jackie says:

    I am studying to be a life coach using horses. When I mention this to people, they tend to mention therapy riding or ask if it’s like therapy riding. I then have to to explain that they are different as therapy focuses on fixing and dealing with past issues as opposed to life coaching which keeps us in the present and connected raising our consciousness in order to move forward transform, transforming ourselves and our lives for the better. The work helps us to get unstuck, sets our boundaries, reconnect with ourselves and provide healing by releasing to help us move forward in a more powerful and positive manner.

    • Marcy says:

      Well I am a “horse person” and even this one ^^ has me wrinkling up my forehead!

    • Gaby says:

      I don’t think asking you if it’s like horse therapy is a stupid question. But your description of life coaching sounds like a bunch of goobledy gook

  15. Anne Heflin says:

    My favorite non-rider comment:
    Why does your horse have toilet plungers on his front feet?

  16. Sherran West says:

    I have also had “unreal” questions and comments when I lived on a sailboat, and when I managed a fish hatchery. Those of us who know, tend to forget how much we know, and don’t remember the days when we were learning. Be gentle…some of the questions are just seeking information, and some are trying to be interested in your passion.

    • Kate says:

      Good point!

    • Rachel says:

      Best comment on here.

    • KJ Bailey says:

      Thank you, Sherran West. The most forgiving, kind comment here. If a “horse person” tried out some other passion/hobby/pastime for the first time, I’m sure they’d have some ridiculous questions too. As a French teacher, I don’t laugh or roll my eyes every time a student asks a question (even if I’ve heard that question a million times before). Everyone has to learn sometime. As Sherran says, be happy that someone is interested in what you do.

    • Lauri says:

      Very good comment. How else are people to learn if not from those of us who are also still learning? The more questions we can inspire, the better the chance we might just start a passion for horses in someone else!!

    • Hunter says:

      Yes… please remember the days when you didn’t know so much…

      Many people are just trying to learn (especially the younger folk) or engage you in conversation.

      You should be pleased that people have an interest in what you do.

      Be polite, sensitive and represent yourself and your sport with dignity. Your response may encourage others to learn more or even become riders themselves someday!

  17. Ashleigh says:

    That girl’s hair is so nice! I love the video. My biggest annoyance id have to say is trying to explain to someone that a small horse or pony is in fact not a baby horse, and no they will not grow any bigger.

    • Carrie says:

      I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks that girl has great hair! =)

      We have a Section A Welsh pony at our place who is at least 26 years old. She has a sweet, wise face like a lovely old grandma. Still, people ask if she is a baby.

  18. Kim Hice says:

    My gelding was “dropped” one morning at a show, and this lady asked me if I was aware that my horse had a stick in his belly.

  19. Casey says:

    Wyoming!! Love the end, smaller does NOT mean safer. Love all their videos

  20. Martha Robinson says:

    When non-riders ask,” what horse do you have?” I describe,” he’s a 16hand. Liver appendix, with full chrome”. Then I get the blank stare!!!!!

  21. lisalou says:

    Me: “Yeah, she has four white socks and a blaze.”
    The woman I was talking to: “What color is her blaze?”

  22. Amanda says:

    When a friend of mine asked advice on buying their 8 year old daughter with minimal riding experience a horse for her birthday…she said, “Well we want to buy her a baby horse so they can grow up together. What do you think?” Me, “Um….no.”

  23. Shonte Gaves says:

    That made my night! Perfect

  24. MaryEllen M says:

    You missed when they try to give a horse in cross ties a treat and hold it just out of their reach “come on take it!” :-/

    And when they call hay straw.

    I also had a non horse person come to take pictures for a calendar….he asked “can you turn the horse loose (in a field…no fence) and will he come right back to you?” Um no…”I thought you said he was well trained?” :-/

  25. Jacqueline Estes says:

    Someone called me. Said they wanted to buy a horse. Wanted to know how much meat it ate at a feeding.

  26. Lita Sewer says:

    When told that their new pony was a stallion. “He can’t be! He’s not pretty enough to be a stallion!”

  27. Vera says:

    Lol, when my friend who used to ride like four years ago and has never cantered or jumped comes to the barn one day and thinks she knows everything. She insisted on leading the horse down the busy road to the barn, and had to trot, even though the horse was tired. She kept kicking the poor horse like crazy trying to get him to trot and said he wasnt being good when he wouldnt . Count to ten Vera, count to ten.

  28. Chandra Watd says:

    “Sheath, well they don’t need to clean it in the wild….” Lol

  29. Allie says:

    >”Your horse is has a hurt foot”
    “No that’s just how they stand”

    >sheath sound, “your horse is breathing really hard”

    >”ridings easy, I went on a trail once”

    > “but what do you do with a horse?”

    Ultimately smile educate, it’s better than not asking

  30. Sarah says:

    “I ride horses”
    Me “oh great! What do you do English, weastern, drassage, pleasure, ext?”

    ” I went on a trail ride”


  31. Doris Kay says:

    I don’t understand my daughter’s passion for ponies. I thought horses were what one rode, and ponies were what you bet on.

  32. KMcDNH says:

    No, she’s not blindfolded. That’s a fly mask. Variation: She CAN see where she’s going. That gray part is mesh. And once: No she’s not wearing underwear on her head. That’s a fly mask and I paid extra for that pretty fabric on it.

  33. Connie Stafford says:

    It’s not called a paw. It’s called a hoof.

  34. Darlene Taunt says:

    I think most of the comments on here are just mean spirited. Not everyone is blessed with having horses and some are just not interested which is weird to me because I adore horses and had three growing up. Thank God the people I used to ride with were not snobs like so many on here. Remember The Golden Rule please people.

  35. Emily says:

    I had my horse’s mane braided for a show and someone asked me if he had cornrows.

  36. Leah says:

    “Is the horse blind folded?!” to a horse wearing a fly mask I love that one

  37. chrissy wrightson says:

    I didnt know horses ate guinea pig food !! (referring to coarse mix )

  38. Diane says:

    You know in the Olympics where they have the jumping and the other stuff? I do the other stuff. It’s called dressage.

  39. Carol Wolf says:

    “No, it’s not my mortgage, It’s my board bill”! My mortgage is less!

  40. BSM says:

    No Mom. I am not to old to ride. Yes Mom. I still wear my helmet. No honey I won’t be home in an hour.

  41. Martha says:

    I once worked for a newspaper and hung out with the sportswriters. One day I told them I was going to take a riding lesson, and they all said, we thought you knew how to ride. I said, “Do the Braves have a coach?” The light dawned then!

  42. Czarina says:

    I worked with people who actually thought I worked a second job at a pub. For two years. And they knew I had a horse.
    Also, I mentioned that I was going to a big show jumping invitational and, bless these co-workers, they wished me luck, thinking I was riding in the event.

  43. Micki Joy Burman says:

    Hilarious! and so true. Clever video. life’s short I always appreciate a good laugh. Thanks (-:

  44. Sunny says:

    Doctor: so what have you been doing with yourself?
    Me: well, I got a horse and she is keeping me pretty busy.
    Doctor: I mean are you getting any exercise?
    Me: snickering). I did just tell you I have a horse.
    Doctor: well, I guess you probably do more than ride it…

    Really? Riding isn’t exercise? LOL

  45. dvyp says:

    THIS was a HOOT – I have said the MAJORITY of those things PLUS a few others…uh YES HORSES HAVE PERSONALITIES and FEELINGS!! 😀

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